(Originally posted in 2015)
We get asked a lot (and I mean A LOT) about our intentions when it comes to such an early engagement and soon to be marriage. Some are even so bold as to ask if I’m pregnant, (oh my!). It always seems to shock people when I tell them the opposite is true.
We’re engaged because we want a pure, God centered relationship. We’d rather go through intensive premarital counseling, budgeting, discussions, and get married early, than to deal with more temptations before getting married. Now of course, there are so many more reasons we’re getting married, than sex or tax benefits (lol!), but it is one of the reason why we’ve decided to do so this *early*. Sex is probably less than 5% for the early timing our marriage. We want the ability to live together, and to grow together as a couple. This is something we can’t easily do without getting married & living together.
Sadly, many people seem to be under the impression that Christians get engaged & married so soon so we can have sex- no, we date with a purpose.
We come into relationships to look for the one we’re meant to be with. Not to find a person we can marry so we can get intimate with them. That’s so shallow. We spend so much time getting to know each other, getting to know our future families, and seeing if we’re going to be compatible. Our relationship is based off something bigger than lust or sex. Our engagements just happen to be short in order to ensure a better, more God centered, relationship before marriage.
If you’re wanting to walk the same path, I’d love to help you. I’ve had some amazing books that have helped me stay pure throughout my high school relationships prior to meeting my future husband. My favorite?
Check out: “Wait for Me” by Rebecca St James, I’ve read this one probably 5 or 6 times, and the study guide that goes with it surprisingly wasn’t cheesy or awkward. I loved it & the guys I dated have read it as well.
I know many people see purity as the elimination of sexual attraction, it’s not. It’s just controlling your attractions to one another, and channeling it into other parts of your relationship. It makes you learn more about the other person, it draws you both closer to God, and you realize you’re with each other for more than simple lust, you’re there out of love and mutual respect. If sex can exist without love, then love can certainly exist without sex.
If you’re interested in saving yourself for marriage, don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend right from the start. That’s what I did, and if a guy thought I was too straightforward or ‘prudish’, I knew it wasn’t going to work out. Weeding out these types of guys will save you lots of heartache. That few moments of awkwardness is much better than compromising your values.
‘Virgin’ isn’t a dirty word. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, ask about my story, or simply discuss in the comments section or my email (firstname.lastname@example.org). To learn more about waiting for marriage, visit m.lifeway.com.
As always, thank you for reading!