It’s been a while since my last rant, who’s ready for another one? Let’s freakin’ go!
Today, I’m tired of people. Generally, I believe that all people are inherently good. That they’re truly wanting to do the right. But I don’t exactly feel like that today. Some of the people I meet on the road, are not nice. They’re not courteous. They’re not caring. And they’re not always good people.
Let’s get started shall we?
First, I’m calling out you general interstate drivers (if I can even call what you’re doing “driving”!). If you’re getting on the interstate, match traffic speed before you begin to merge! You slowing down makes everyone else slow down, which is the cause for random traffic jams. Yeah, YOU are the problem. Just GO!!!
And you! You who wants to pass the semi- go ahead! Pass us! But don’t cut over with mere feet between your bumper and our grill. And better yet, when you come over, maintain your speed you absolute walnut! If you were doing 75 to pass us, don’t drop down to 65 once you’re in front of us, do you want to be a road pancake?! Cause that’s how you become a road pancake.
But if you’re in the right lane, doing 65 in an 80, and we’re doing the upper 70’s, we’re gonna go left to pass you. If you speed up to 80 so we can’t pass you, you better freaking stay at that speed. We deal with dozens of you insecure dirtbags a day who won’t let us pass you, then slow way down, then speed up when we try to pass again. As a matter of fact, using your cruise control would solve the majority of your road problems.
Factories, Warehouses & Stores
Okay shippers and receivers, it’s your turn!
I get it, we’re a service to you. We get your good and products from the farm, to the factory, to store. But we’re not your slaves, and we’re real people! So thank you very much for not providing a restroom. Thank you for forbidding my dog from leaving the truck. Thank you for prohibiting us from idling the truck to lower emissions. AC & heat are overrated anyways. And thank you most of all, for not having our load ready. I love waiting for hours for absolutely no reason. It’s so awesome when we drive four hours to you, wait eight hours for you to load us, and then have to drive another eight hours to get your product delivered on time. You made the error, and yet, after your shift you go home, and you get to keep a normal sleep schedule.
And thank you so much for hiring such kind and courteous people to work at your company. Like your guardhouse rent-a-cops. Ugh. Love that thing they do where you pull up and they ignore you. Then when you knock on the window, they’re act offended to even be in your presence. It’s super nice when they’re on the phone with their significant(ly dumb) other, and make you wait for another 10-15 minutes before checking you in.
I’m just gonna say it. Your office workers are overpaid knuckle draggers. You knew exactly when I would be here, because a) we had an appointment and b) the guard shack let you know we’re here. Why is our paperwork not ready to go? Especially if you’re stuffing your face with one hand, and facebook scrolling with the other. And seriously, how hard is it to stand up and hand me my paperwork instead of wheeling yourself to the window? And when I said thank you, would it have just ruined your day to say “you’re welcome”?
And you! You, mouth breathing forklift operators- how hard is it to not beat up the inside of my trailer? On what planet would Saran Wrap be a sufficient load securement? Why can you not finish up my trailer before working on the next guys? And last of all, tie your freakin shoes, pull up your pants, and walk with a purpose when you come to tell me my load is done. I don’t want to watch you cross the parking lot to me at the speed of pond water.
Next, I’m calling out the little Judgy Judy’s with white hair and their Sunday best on.
You know who you are. You think you’re so smart for skipping the crowds by going to the professional driver restroom instead of the general public restroom. I really don’t mind that, I don’t like the crowds either. But if you’re gonna make some snotty comment about me doing my hair or makeup in here, just know that I’m mentally grabbing you by your short old lady hair and beating your head against a concrete wall. I don’t have the privilege of waking up in my house and using my private bathroom to get ready. I’m not homeless, I’m not dirty, and I’m not taking a bath in the sink. I’m just styling my hair or applying makeup, and I just need to use the mirror for 5-10 minutes. There’s plenty of mirror for both of us. This driver bathroom has extra large mirrors and lots of counter space for this exact purpose. If you don’t like it, go back to the general public restroom (that you should be using anyhow!).
Bonus! I know my 64 oz very well insulated cup is big. I don’t need you to tell me that, especially when you’ve got a 48 oz for yourself. At least I’m splitting mine with another person. Keep your rude comments to yourself, or go to a gas station that doesn’t have truck parking.
Other Truck Drivers
Did you think other drivers are exempt from my rage? Heck no.
First of all, we represent one another in the general public’s eye. I put on jeans and closed toe shoes every morning. If I’m having a bad hair day, I wear a hat. My shirt is stain free, and it smells good. I smell good. I brush my teeth. Sometimes I apply makeup. I pick up my feet when I walk, I’m kind, and I’m courteous. Why are you not returning the favor? I’m not asking for a suit and tie, I’m just pleading for you to not wear flip flops and questionably stained sweat pants.
Also, pick up after yourself! Truck stops are privately owned! These kind owners don’t have to let us park here, so don’t throw your trash out, you make us all look bad. And if there is a restroom provided, please for the love of all things clean, use that!
If you stop at the Walmart to get groceries, walk your sorry behind back to the cart corral with your buggy! Don’t leave that out to get run over, blown away, or to roll into someone’s truck.
You’re a professional driver, so ACT LIKE IT. Why are you doing 35 in the parking lot?! If you’re late, you shouldn’t be off the interstate- this is not the place to be making up time! And if you’re too fat and/off disabled to pull your own tandem pins, you shouldn’t be driving! Don’t pester me to do it for you, not only is my time valuable, but so is my life- which you could easily end by driving off too soon!
And when we all go inside to eat? If I’m sitting at the trucker bar, let’s chat. If I’m in a booth minding my own business, don’t speak to me unless you’re bringing food. This is an unwritten rule that your dense peabrain apparently needs to see written somewhere. Go away. I’m tired. And grumpy.
Well I feel better after that word vomit, thanks for reading through all this. And if something felt like it was directed at you, it totally is, please fix it.